It’s been a long time since I have felt like this. At least a few months if I had to guess. My good streak has come to an end and I am in one heck of a flare!
I’ve been doing fairly well for a while now. My pain has been low and tolerable. My swelling has been down. I haven’t had any occipital migraines. In fact, I have been getting out of the house and doing more. I got involved in my local church and have been very happy there! I’ve met a lot of great people.
The past two months I have been working on completing the pre-treatment for getting the stem cell transplant. There has been a lot of dietary changes as I have found out I am allergic to so many things and eating the wrong foods has been a source of inflammation in my body. Plus I have been taking so many supplements to replace so many vital minerals I have lost. These two changes have made a world of difference in my health!
I had lost almost 20 pounds. I have discovered new foods that I now like to eat that I wouldn’t have tried before. Mentally I have felt great! And physically I was coming along better than I had been before. My energy levels have been soaring! Overall, I was starting to see some major improvements all around.
So why now? Why am I turning into a major flare now? What is causing all of this pain and swelling? I am literally swollen to the point where from my knees down I am almost 3 times my normal size. I have fluid everywhere. The weight I had lost? I put that back on plus another 15 pounds on top of that making me the heaviest I have ever been in my life! My joints are screaming and feel like they are going to explode. Muscles are twitching on their own as if they are hooked up to a TENS unit. It feels like I am back at square one with no end in sight.
It is taking everything I have to not cry out when I am walking and have tears streaming down my face sitting here. I am trying to keep myself calm in attempts to keep things from getting worse. I have Christian Rock playing in the background which usually calms my soul. And usually if my soul is calm, everything else follows. But my body is being disobedient and not following it’s typical patterns. It is being a stubborn teenager rearing its ugly head of contention.
God must have some really big plans for me if I am going through all of this. He wouldn’t have me going through all of this without a purpose or a higher plan. I believe He is going to use me for something great and I am just going through the preparation stages. I would love to know what He is going to use me for, but it is not for me to know this now. I have to be patient for His plan to be revealed. And that is one thing I am in short supply of, patience.
I completely trust God and His plan for me. I just wish He would let me in on the plan once in a while so I don’t feel so lost sometimes, like I do now. I know me going through so much pain is for a higher purpose. I am just simply trying to read the signs as to what that higher purpose is. I just pray I don’t miss it by being so miserable I am blind to His messages.
I truly believe God has a higher plan for all of us. My suffering now is just preparing me for what lies ahead. I just wish I didn’t have to suffer so much to get to the place where God wants me. It makes for a difficult existence and I can only pray His plan comes to fruition sooner rather than later! I have full faith in Him as he directs my life and molds me into what I am supposed to become.
Maybe the stem cell transplant is what my higher calling is. Wouldn’t that be amazing? If this transplant works, I would be a living testimony to the power of stem cell treatments. Whatever the calling is, I am just hoping I can pass these trails, like this horrible flare, with flying colors. I can only hope that the end of the pain is coming soon. Until then, I just need to trust in God and what he has in store for me!